A sexual fetish is a reoccurring aspect that appears in the sexual fantasies of most people. Mild fetishes can go from anywhere to the bold and alluring look for high heels or the tempting style of a “dangerous” man. However, these fetishes do not always promise people pleasure and may not help them reach their climax.
On the other hand, there are people who need a specific fetish to be present so they can be aroused whereas some people have very mild fetishes that often go unnoticed. To learn how the mild fetish is so appealing to people, we must first understand how a fetish works in more extreme situations.
Dr. Michael J. Bader wrote a book entitled, Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, where he describes how a fetish is just a small part that should be portrayed as a whole or vice versa. To make it more blatant with a sexual context, he explained that a person would fetishize the idea of a person being objectified or to personify an inanimate object.
He describes that idea well, and to paraphrase him he explained, “once we make a human demoted to the status of an item or give an item more human qualities.”
A fetish gets rid of any fear or worry that they might have by getting rid of a human barrier that sexual activities normally have. Without it, the fetishist might fear that their partner would get in the way of their capability to be submissive and reach maximum pleasure.
However, you might be wondering how materials such as leather and rubber become a fetish. Simply put, these items do have a certain human quality to them because when they are worn they are skin-tight and create a perfect canvas that is smooth and shiny.
This “new skin” suggest both dominant and submissive qualities that are pleasing to both the wearer and the watcher.
The goal is to fight any possible feelings of fear or shame that the watcher may feel from watching or insecurities that the wearer may have.
This is very clear if you were to compare it to its counterpart, skin that would be wrinkled, loose, and old.
Dr. Bader himself explained in detail what a few examples of what fetishes in action are like. He stated that women felt powerful yet submissive at the same time when they wore an outfit that was made out of the materials mentioned earlier.
A woman would normally feel shy, but the outfit gave her the strength and confidence that she wanted to kick any insecurities to the side.
A woman does not necessarily have to be aroused by the idea either to wear such an outfit if they don’t need it to reach a climax, because the outfit itself can make them feel stronger, which is the appeal of those materials.
You can also take for instance a gay man who thought men that wore leather were extremely appealing because it made him feel and think about the man because rugged and dominant.
Those feelings and thoughts made him get over being guilty of being a rugged or dominant man himself. He wanted a partner who seemed to be stronger than him, that way he won’t have to worry about harming his partner by the off chance that he loses control.
This post on slave Master fantasties expounds more on this idea.
He also gave a third example about a man who felt shame because he was scared that he would harm people if he lost himself sexually. Another fetish of this man’s was to be tied up, which related to him being scared of losing control.
This idea was explained in more detail in my post regarding bondage and beating fantasies. This man also liked to wear a rubber suit and enjoyed to be tied up by boys that were younger than him. However, there was not much detail given for these ideas afterwards.
We can assume that the suit was like a shield, a protective barrier that made him more youthful. That would help him feel better and less shameful about being with his younger partners.
In the book, Mr. Bader does not talk about the idea of “second skin” being protective, because it literally is covering a person’s real skin where their senses lie. However, I would assume that it is one perspective to see how a fetish benefits the one wearing it.
The skin being covered up could also have a slightly numbing effect to it which can make the wearer feel strong. This can mimic the sensation of using alcohol or drugs, because your senses would be less alert. This is just another way to see more into how you can make your shame be released.